Thirteen years of interventions before my autistic son was understood
Updated: Oct 11
Domestic violence formed part of our family history. My autistic son went through 13 years of interventions; I lived through the same years of scrutiny. It felt like persecution. After all that time, the conclusion reached was that he is autistic.
I am sharing this as my experience, not as a case history of every professional involved. I am leaving out names, locations and records to protect my son's privacy. The years mattered to both of us.
What the years felt like
When your family has experienced domestic violence, people rightly ask about safety. But I also needed them to ask who my child was: how he communicated, what overwhelmed him, what helped him feel safe, and whether he might be autistic. For me, the repeated interventions and the long wait to have autism recognised came at an immense emotional cost.
A child can need safeguarding, support for the effects of abuse, and a neurodevelopmental assessment. Those questions deserve to be considered carefully together. I wanted a fuller picture of my son, not a single explanation applied to everything he did.
What I wish someone had asked sooner
What is the child telling us through their words, behaviour, sensory responses and daily routines?
What patterns appear across home, school and other settings, and what happens after a demanding day?
Have we listened to the parent without treating their history as the whole explanation?
Who is responsible for reviewing an unanswered concern, and when will that happen?
What practical adjustments can be put in place while an assessment is pending?
The NHS autism assessment guide explains how to ask a GP about a local referral, what an assessment may involve, and how to seek a second opinion if you disagree with a result. Support can be discussed while waiting; families do not have to wait for a diagnostic label before asking what will help.
Why I am telling this story
I cannot recover those 13 years. I can ask practitioners to remain curious, explain their reasoning and keep reviewing it. I can tell other parents that their observations deserve to be heard. I can also say plainly that my son is more than the interventions recorded about him.
If domestic abuse is current or you are worried about someone, GOV.UK lists confidential help and emergency routes. Call 999 in immediate danger. Looking Glass Care offers practical support with SEND evidence and next-step planning; it does not provide an autism diagnosis or emergency safeguarding response.
This is a first-person account. Details have been limited to protect my son. Guidance links checked 27 September 2026.
Useful resources for this topic
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